Chapter 117
Thalia looked coldly at the garment in her hand.
“When did you change jobs and become a pimp?”
At the words she spat out mockingly, the nanny’s face twisted unsightly.
Thalia paid her no mind and climbed down from the windowsill, heading toward the bed.
However, the nanny did not back down.
“In truth, the two of you did not even properly spend your first night together, did you? Do you know what that means? It means that if His Grace wishes it, he can apply for an annulment at any time!”
Thalia looked down coldly at the nanny blocking her path, then abruptly lifted the hem of her loose dress.
When she pulled the sweat-soaked garment off over her head, her twisted leg and unattractively thin naked body were revealed.
The nanny immediately lowered her eyes.
Seeing that, Thalia let out a dry laugh.
“You can’t even look at me properly, and yet you’re telling me to be held by a man with this hideous body?”
“…Even so, you should at least try.”
The nanny mumbled while keeping her gaze fixed on the floor.
“It doesn’t seem as though His Grace has no feelings at all for you, Young lady. When you collapsed, how devoted was he? Even while he was busy beyond measure with the funeral and succession of title, he made sure to take care of your meals and medicine. I’m certain he won’t refuse if you ask him.”
Thalia had been letting out hollow, deflated laughs, but suddenly wiped the smile from her face.
“So you’re telling me to beg.”
“Please don’t twist my words like that. This is also for your sake, Young lady. If you have a child, your position as Grand Duchess will also…”
At those transparently obvious words, her patience instantly wore away.
Thalia roughly swept both hands across the table.
Bowls, plates, and porcelain pieces placed on it poured onto the floor, and sharp shattering sounds rang out.
A few shards of glass that sprang up pierced the top of her foot.
Ignoring it, she even snatched up the candlestick beside the fireplace and threw it against the wall.
“Get out!”
The nanny let out a scream one beat too late and hurriedly ran to the door.
Thalia grabbed the dress the nanny had thrown aside and pulled it in both directions.
With a ripping sound, the fabric split in two.
She flung it away carelessly, walked to the bed, and pulled the blanket over herself.
She did not know how long she stayed like that.
With a cautious knock, a gentle voice rang out.
“Your Highness, I heard you injured your foot, so I came. I will examine the wound.”
Thalia gave no answer.
Perhaps taking that as permission, the sound of the door opening followed, then soft footsteps continued inside.
“I will check the wound for a moment.”
When the woman lifted the blanket, Thalia’s blood-soaked foot and leg were revealed.
After casting magic over it, the healer took out a clean new bandage and carefully wrapped her leg.
“…”
“If you need a sedative…”
“Did Mother give you some separate instructions too?”
At the sudden question, the woman closed her mouth.
Thalia silently stared at the woman’s stiff face.
After hesitating for a long time, the woman answered as if confessing.
“…She asked me to carefully look after Your Highness, the Grand Duchess’s health.”
“So that a child can settle in well?”
When she spat the words mockingly, the woman’s mouth stiffened.
Thalia looked at her with cynical eyes, then turned to the other side and muttered weakly.
“Leave now.”
“Your Highness.”
At that moment, she sensed the woman kneeling beside the bed.
Thalia flinched in surprise at the unfamiliar warmth wrapping around the back of her hand and turned her head.
The healer looked into her with serious brown eyes and spoke.
“If Your Highness does not wish to do something, it is all right for you not to do it.”
Thalia blinked.
She ought to have mocked her for her presumptuous meddling.
What would a mere healer know?
Even though she should have shouted at her to stop saying half-baked things and mind her own business, strangely, the words would not come.
“I…”
The tongue inside her mouth, which had opened unconsciously, moved on its own.
I hate it.
I don’t want to show Varkas this body that has become so unsightly.
I’m tired of being Mother’s chess piece.
I don’t want to suffer because of people who will never love me.
She desperately swallowed the words that had risen to her throat.
If she revealed weakness, she would be trampled.
She did not want to be hurt by anyone anymore.
Thalia coldly pulled away the hand the healer had been holding.
“Stop saying useless things and call the maids.”
The woman, who had been looking at her with thoughtful eyes, slowly rose.
Thalia quietly watched the woman step back, then asked impulsively.
“Come to think of it, what did you say your name was?”
The woman widened her eyes, then answered in a calm tone.
“I am called Marisen.”
Thalia repeated her name to herself, then dismissed the woman with a light gesture of her hand.
A short while later, the maids came in a crowd, cleaned up the ruined room, and helped her dress according to her instructions.
Thalia chose and wore the most splendid dress among the wedding gifts sent from the imperial palace, then braided her hair beautifully and attached pearl ornaments.
After even smearing red dye over her scabbed lips, she took out her jewelry box.
Inside the velvet box lay a small button engraved with the crest of the Roem Knights, a silver-blue moonstone, a neatly folded handkerchief, and a ruby brooch.
Thalia looked down for a long time at the traces of lingering attachment she had vowed thousands of times to let go of, yet never could.
Then she picked up the brooch and pinned it to the left side of her chest.
Standing before the mirror, she saw the reflection of a pale woman who had desperately erased her gauntness.
She asked that woman.
What are you trying to do?
“I still haven’t decided.”
She stared intently at her faintly trembling pupils, then dismissed the maids and left the room.
Beyond the corridor window, she could see the sky gradually darkening.
Varkas had probably not returned yet.
Since the previous Grand Duke died, he had been spending most of his time outside the castle.
Not only was he taking part in almost every religious event hosted by the eastern religious order, but he also seemed to be endlessly busy soothing the unsettled public sentiment and reorganizing military armaments.
“And on top of that, he has taken on cleaning up Gareth’s mess too. Even ten bodies would not be enough.”
Letting out a bitter sneer, Thalia passed through the quiet corridor holding a chill and descended the wide stairs.
When she reached the front of the Grand Duke’s bedroom, which had now become Varkas’s room, the attendants guarding the door widened their eyes in surprise.
Instead of ordering them to open the door, Thalia grabbed the handle herself and pulled it.
With a creaking noise, the view of the spacious room, brightly lit, was revealed.
When Thalia discovered the long shadow stretched out in the middle of it, her back stiffened.
As if he had only recently returned, Varkas, dressed in his formal uniform, was undoing the buttons of his coat.
“…What is the matter?”
The man slowly looked her over from over his shoulder and asked, narrowing the space between his brows.
It was a reaction that made all the hours she had spent dressing up feel empty.
Swallowing her sense of futility, Thalia walked into the room and closed the door behind her.
“I came because I have something I want to say.”
Varkas stared at her with an expressionless face, then gestured with his chin toward the chair placed before the fireplace.
“Sit.”
She moved her stiff legs and sat in the chair.
In the meantime, Varkas took off his coat, hung it on the wall, and poured a glass of apple wine for her.
“I hear your meals have decreased again lately. Even if I cannot personally look after them, you must not skip them and must eat properly.”
Thalia kept her mouth firmly shut and only stared down at the glass.
Varkas, who had been watching her with his arms crossed, broke the lengthening silence.
“What is it you wanted to say?”
“You…”
Thalia looked up at him with lost eyes.
What should she say?
She did not even know what she had come to him for.
Obedience?
Resistance?
It was clear only that she stood at a fork in the road.
And that she intended to leave that choice on the tip of his tongue.
Thalia firmly gathered her trembling voice.
“Is it true that you are opposing Ayla’s marriage?”
When she looked straight up at him as if picking a fight, the edge of Varkas’s lips twisted faintly.
“Is that why you have not even met my eyes for the past few days?”
He raked up the hair fallen over his forehead and let out a dry laugh.
“I opposed it only because of the political danger.”
“But there is a rumor spreading in the imperial palace that you still have lingering feelings for Ayla.”
The more she continued speaking, the more she felt as if she had become a childish brat throwing a jealous tantrum.
Shaking that off, she continued as if interrogating him.
“You said you would silence the gossip about our marriage, didn’t you? Is spreading such a ridiculous rumor what you meant by silencing the gossip?”
“The safety of those two was at stake.”
He spoke with a hint of fatigue showing.
“The priority was to stop His Highness the Crown Prince before he took hasty action. I have a duty to protect those two.”
Toward the end, his tone grew a little rough.
Thalia looked up at him with a hardened face.
Varkas exhaled at length, then bent down in front of her and added in a much softer tone.
“I intend to propose a better marriage match for the First Princess soon. Once that happens, the rumors will naturally settle down.”
Thalia quietly looked down at him and let out an empty laugh.
Did this man even know what he was saying?
Seeing Varkas say, without any hesitation, that he would protect Ayla while stabbing a knife into her heart, Thalia ironically felt despair welling up.
Mother had been right.
This man was as good as blind when it came to emotions.
To him, matters of the heart were not something to be considered.
What mattered to Varkas was fulfilling his duties.
And the thing occupying the very top of that long list of responsibilities was probably protecting the twins.
Perhaps she, who had taken the position of Grand Duchess, had also risen to a fairly important place.
But she would never become his highest priority.
His duty as a vassal of the imperial family.
And his duty as the head of a family.
Nothing could take precedence over them.
“You are… truly, truly a loyal person.”
His eyes distorted faintly.
It seemed he realized that it was not a compliment.
Thalia wiped the smile from her face.
Her mind gradually sank coldly, and what she had to do became clear.
When Gareth, after becoming emperor, demanded her life with the resolve to risk war against the East, it was obvious what choice Varkas would make.
The problem was whether she could obediently accept that situation.
She pictured her own death in her mind.
Her image of herself dying miserably soon became the face of the previous Grand Duke.
That man had feared death and what would come after it.
What about me?
The answer came quickly.
I fear death.
I fear it so much that I struggled that desperately.
Because I knew very well that the only one who could protect me was myself.
It is the same this time.
I must survive by my own strength.
This is absolutely not obeying Mother.
I have only decided to fight because I want to live too.
After building up countless excuses in her head, Thalia finally lifted her head and looked straight into his eyes.
“You are saying you merely fulfilled your duty, correct?”
His cold eyes stared at her without the slightest movement.
As if engraving every word into those icy eyes, she spoke.
“Then I will demand that you fulfill your duty to me as my husband as well.”
At last, a crack appeared on his face, from which emotion had been thoroughly severed.
As if forcing her way into that crack, she spoke bluntly.
“Tonight, I will enter your bedchamber.”
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