Chapter 30 :

After that day, Thalia began struggling to free herself from the love that had hardened into a long habit.

She had fought before to carve out her feelings for him, but never this desperately.

She began attending banquets.

She shoved the dress he had chosen deep into her wardrobe and took out the dress he had frowned at the moment he saw it.

And she began attending the banquets regularly held at the Empress’s Palace.

Naturally, Varkas, her guard knight, also had no choice but to follow her into the feast of disorderly night amusements.

For him, who had received an education like a monk’s until the age of fourteen, it must have been a scene worthy only of contempt.

It was not a comfortable place for Thalia either.

Inside the hall filled with her mother’s worshippers, she was treated like a small model of Senevier.

They saw Thalia, who had the Empress’s face on the body of a fresh young girl, as an interesting toy.

Among them, there were more than a few who showed active interest.

The way they treated her like a substitute for her mother filled her with intense humiliation, but Thalia pretended to enjoy the attention showered on her.

She wanted to show Varkas.

Look at what you missed.

I will become a woman more beautiful than Ayla.

A woman as beautiful as Mother.

She wanted to show him just how many people desired her.

Somewhere in her heart, perhaps she wanted him to stop her.

But Varkas, as always, merely carried out his duty as her guard in silence.

Whether she mixed with men and drank herself senseless, or flirted with a man twice her age, he did not care in the slightest.

That indifferent attitude further fanned the dangerous impulse that had taken hold of her.

He had stayed by her side for seven whole years.

Then could he not worry about her, even a little?

Could he not stop her?

Those childish thoughts clung to a corner of her mind and would not disappear.

She felt that if she completely ruined herself instead, she might be able to shake off this foolish lingering attachment.

With the heart of someone who had given up on herself, she spent time with unfamiliar men.

She allowed their bizarre behavior when they touched her hand, face, or hair in admiration, or brought their noses to her nape.

Being handled as though she were some porcelain doll was unpleasant, but she did not dislike their entranced gazes, as though they were intoxicated by something.

At times, she even felt an exhilaration that made her feel like a god.

When she was swept up in that feeling, failing to possess one man named Varkas seemed like a trivial matter.

She clung to that sensation.

If she buried herself in these intoxicating hours, surely a green, childish love would quickly dry up and die.

She immersed herself even further in the silly, disorderly games played between men and women.

She gradually became used to exchanging suggestive banter, trading light caresses, and engaging in a dangerous tug-of-war.

How long had she spent buried in such precarious days?

A southern noble named Margus approached her.

At first, she paid him no particular attention.

Every evening, she went out to the banquet hall and mingled with various men, but she did not keep even a single one of them in her memory.

But at some point, that man’s name began to linger familiarly in her mind.

The man had drawn her interest in a rather strange way.

He treated her as though she were a young niece or an immature child.

Sometimes, he even gave her advice as though he was sincerely worried about her.

After briefly feeling offended by that arrogant attitude, Thalia gradually opened her heart to him.

Unlike the men who tried to touch her whenever they had the chance, he always maintained a proper boundary while keeping a friendly attitude.

That was not all.

He acted as though he had no ulterior motive, joking around as if his only interest were making her laugh, or bringing toys and dolls as gifts instead of jewels or revealing clothes.

Thalia gradually came to feel comfortable around him.

Perhaps that man had noticed the affection-starved child lurking inside her.

He slipped too easily into her weakness.

The night he destroyed the castle of trust he had built was four days before her coming-of-age ceremony.

At a late hour when Varkas was away, that man came to the detached palace.

For a moment, she felt suspicious of his arriving without warning, but when she saw him talking cheerfully with his easygoing face, her wariness melted away like snow.

“Look at this, Your Highness. I finally found the puzzle I told you about before!”

The man shouted excitedly as he held out a large toy box.

“You cannot imagine how hard I worked to obtain this! I would not have put this much effort even into a gift to present to His Majesty the Emperor!”

The man, who had raised his nose triumphantly, suddenly scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

It seemed he had belatedly realized the discourtesy of barging in at such a late hour.

“Originally, I intended to give it to you on Your Highness’s birthday, but... I must leave the capital urgently tomorrow, so I came despite knowing it was rude. Would you please forgive my discourtesy?”

At the sight of his eyes drooping like a puppy caught in the rain, Thalia shook her head as though she had no choice.

“It can’t be helped. Come inside.”

He smiled brightly and stepped into the detached palace.

It was the first time she had allowed someone other than a guard knight or maid into the palace.

Suddenly, she felt embarrassed by the state of the detached palace, which was practically a mess.

She led him past the reception room, which had never been used and was covered only in dust, and took him to the study on the second floor.

Aside from her bedroom, it was the cleanest and most orderly place.

There, they unfolded the chess table, sat facing each other, and began assembling the puzzle pieces.

She was so absorbed that she did not even realize the man’s knees, seated opposite her, were positioned to either side of her own.

Thalia focused all her attention on joining the small pieces together to make a pointed castle tower.

To help her, he leaned his head close and fixed the small pillars in place.

At last, one castle tower was complete.

Thalia smiled proudly.

Then, all of a sudden, she realized he was far too close and made an uncomfortable expression.

The man had pressed himself so close that his wine-scented breath tickled her forehead.

She shifted her hips uneasily.

But if she abruptly pulled away, it seemed the atmosphere would become awkward.

Thalia carefully turned her body to the side, pretending to search for another puzzle piece inside the box the man had brought.

Then the man came up behind her and, as though embracing her, reached both arms around her waist and began rummaging through the box.

“So this was here.”

Thalia’s body stiffened.

His long, muscular arms tightened strongly around her waist.

Feeling his hot, damp breath pour over the nape of her neck, she hunched her back as much as she could.

Her heart pounded with fear at the unfamiliar situation.

But strangely, no sound came from her mouth.

He pushed his arms deeper into the box and pressed his body against hers.

Thalia barely squeezed out her voice.

“L-let go...”

“Just a moment... Just a moment. Your Highness’s body... smells so terribly sweet.”

He placed his nose against her shoulder and drew in a deep breath.

Thalia felt every nerve in her body stand on edge.

Her skin grew damp with cold sweat, and goosebumps rose all along her spine.