She remembered the days when she had gathered every word that flowed from his mouth like jewels, turning them over and over in her mind.
Even words like daggers, she had driven into her heart and stroked them again and again.
But now she did not want to hurt anymore. She was tired of attaching special meaning to his trivial words and actions, only to be disappointed.
She was no longer a foolish adolescent girl, and she had thoroughly learned that Thalia Roem Ghirta meant nothing to him.
Struggling not to cling to the firm arms carefully lifting her up, she mercilessly cut down the foolish sprout of hope trying to reach out.
The reason he was doing this for her was, in the end, nothing more than a sense of responsibility.
He was a man she had observed and analyzed for more than ten years, dissecting him hundreds of times in her head. She knew very well by what principles he operated.
Separate from how sick and tired he was of Thalia Roem Ghirta, to him, she was someone who had to be protected. Even if she was not as important as Gareth or Ayla, she was not someone he could simply leave to become a complete wreck.
For a man who lived to carry out the duties given to him, failing to fulfill his responsibility would naturally make him feel indebted.
“I will have a meal prepared.”
Varkas, who had at some point entered the dim tent, said this as he laid her down on the bed.
Thalia, who had been blankly lost in thought, lowered her eyes to look at her legs. Perhaps the medicine was already wearing off, because a tingling sensation began spreading from her shins to her pelvis.
“Forget the food. Just light the incense.”
“After you eat.”
A firm voice rang out above her head.
She put strength into her hazy eyes and glared at him. But Varkas had already turned away and was giving some instruction to a squire.
She wanted to throw a pillow at that tiresome back of his, but her arms and legs felt as heavy as waterlogged cotton, and she could not move an inch. In the end, she gave up on getting angry and buried her face in the blanket that smelled of fragrant wood and mint leaves.
A short while later, Varkas returned carrying a bowl of porridge. Thalia reluctantly picked up the spoon. The very act of forcing something into her stomach felt like torture, but if she did not at least pretend to eat, this dreadful man would never allow the incense to be burned.
Unable to bear the pain that was growing worse and worse, she forced the bluish-green thing full of herbs and the like into her mouth.
“Now it’s enough, right?”
When she set down the half-empty bowl as if throwing it, the man who had been standing like a guard and watching her eat examined the bowl as though inspecting it.
Thalia added impatiently.
“I ate. What more do you want from me!”
Varkas watched her face for a moment, where cold sweat had begun to bead from the pain, then turned and told the attendant to bring the incense burner.
Once more, pale smoke encroached upon her brain. Feeling the pain gradually subside, Thalia let her body go limp.
It felt as though she had entered a cold cloud. Even the presence of the man, who had scraped against her nerves like a blade, slowly faded.
How long had she lain there, intoxicated by that languid sensation, when an unpleasant shadow appeared in her blurred vision?
Thalia put strength into her unfocused eyes and stared closely at it. The elegant silhouette of a woman standing with the sunset at her back stained her retina. Only a beat later did she realize that the figure was her noble half-sister.
Thalia observed her stiff face as if looking at an ornament in a cabinet. Perhaps something unpleasant had happened, for faint cracks had appeared on that neat face, as finely crafted as porcelain.
Curiosity stirred faintly. This was a woman who rarely lost her composure no matter what Thalia did to torment her. What could have made her look so deathly pale?
“I know you feel responsible for this situation. But you are my fiancé. It is not appropriate to keep that child staying in your tent like this…”
Ayla’s gentle voice seeped into Thalia’s muffled eardrums, as if they were filled with water.
Thalia frowned. More than the content of the words, it was the soft resonance of that voice that grated on her nerves.
Did that woman even act refined when she was angry?
For Thalia, who could not be satisfied unless she expelled every last scrap of emotion, it was a level of restraint she could not even dare imitate. Perhaps that was why she hated Ayla even more.
It was dreadful that this woman, who possessed virtues she could not even imitate, was her half-sister. If she had not been placed in a position where she had to be constantly compared to her, she might have been able to hate Ayla less than she did now.
She continued speaking.
“If it is because you are uneasy about leaving that child alone, I will take her to my quarters. Then you will no longer need to concern yourself…”
“Is there anyone who puts a snake and a wildcat in the same cage?”
A dry voice tinged with fatigue cut off the Princess’s words.
Thalia moved her eyes and looked at Varkas, who was standing with one shoulder leaning against a tent pillar.
For him, who always maintained a straight posture, it was very rare to see him leaning against something like that. Had he been inside with me the entire time I was inhaling the medicine? If so, it was surprising that he could stand there looking so perfectly fine. She herself had struggled even to keep her eyelids open.
“Are you comparing me to such lowly beasts?” Ayla’s voice sharpened slightly.
Thalia put a little more strength into her eyes. She wanted to see Ayla’s face twist with her own eyes. But Varkas, who had straightened his posture, blocked her view with his broad shoulders.
Soon, a cold voice rang out.
“Is it not obvious what will happen if Her Highness the Second Princess stays in your quarters?”
After letting out a low sigh, he added in a somewhat cynical tone.
“Or do you wish to see every one of those maids you cherish so much have their necks cut off?”
As if at a loss for words, Ayla closed her mouth.
Thalia stared blankly at his back, submerged in deep shadow.
So he really was watching me. He kept me nearby so I couldn’t wreak havoc anymore.
She had not expected anything from the start. So there should have been no disappointment.
Then why was she feeling pain again?
Sick of herself, she closed her eyes.
Once she let go of the thread of consciousness she had been desperately holding on to, the irritating noises grew faint in an instant. It felt as if she were sinking into deep water. Willingly, she sank into the world of unconsciousness.
***
For several days, the suffocating heat continued.
For those who had to travel carrying dozens of corpses, it was nothing short of a disaster.
To prevent decay, purification salt and dried herbs were stuffed into the body cavities, and myrrh and glaze were applied over the ash-gray skin, but as the days passed, a strange stench began seeping from the coffins.
Naturally, the faces of those on the march twisted into deathly expressions. Leaning against the carriage, looking out at the scene, Thalia suddenly remembered how she had prayed when leaving the Imperial Palace that this procession would lead to hell.
Did God hear my prayer?
Or did He punish me?
As she was lost in those thoughts, fiddling with her throbbing knees, the sound of a whistle came from afar.
She narrowed her dazzled eyes and looked beyond the hill. Beneath the gentle slope where the blazing sunlight poured down, she could see gray castle walls rising tall.
The miserable and gloomy journey that had seemed as though it would never end had finally reached its end.
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